lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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