I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
