Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
