a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
