You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
