so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize