I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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