youre lurking in front of me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize