oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
