its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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