nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
