Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
