She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
