your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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