i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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