1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
