i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
only if we run a train.
done.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
tell me about the eggs
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