Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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