guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
