people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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