I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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