why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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