I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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