After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
