One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
