Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
