I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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