The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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