If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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