I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
