hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
