oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
