Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
