You just made me feel so damn special
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
