Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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