Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
