You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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