So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I could make wine with my vomit
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
