So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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