I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
