someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
