Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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