9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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