he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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