i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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