I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize