then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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