Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
