Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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