you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
