You're my little dorito
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize