I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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