somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't deserve a penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
