brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
