i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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