i permit you to call me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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