No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
