i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
