Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
vagina is talking i cant
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
