I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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