This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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