Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
