I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
