dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
