It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
