Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
