I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
