I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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