How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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