He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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