i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
