I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
