just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
