i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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